"For years I lived this way: turning the side of me to others that they could understand, spinning the aspects of my true self like a lazy Susan, offering only what others wanted or needed or felt most comfortable with."
-Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

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‍The Lazy Susan Self

In The Book of Awakening, a book I have spoken and written about often, Mark Nepo speaks of the "Lazy Susan Self."

He explains that when we share only the parts of ourselves that we believe to be most palatable, we are keeping parts of ourselves hidden and, thus, not being true to ourselves.

While we might do this under the guise of empathy, it is more often because we are afraid. Of being seen. Of being rejected. Of being misunderstood.

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‍The Fullness of the Moon

Much like the Lazy Susan Self, throughout its cycle, the moon only shows us parts of its whole self. But when it shows itself fully, we are able to see its light, feel its power, and experience its energy.

Whether it decides to keep us up all night, catches our eye with brightness as it fills the night sky, or you stumbled into my full-moon-themed yoga class, the full moon always finds away to demand our attention.

Though I've been taking a (very refreshing) break from social media, I logged into Facebook this week and saw various photos of Wednesday's full moon.

Many of the pictures' captions explained that the photo did not do justice to how beautiful the moon was.

I was reminded of something I heard a while back, something along the lines of this:

Think of the many times you photograph something-- whether it be the moon, the sunset or sunrise-- and the picture is unable to capture the beauty of what you saw, what you experienced. Remember this the next time you begin to critique a picture you see of yourself.

Photographs aside, I believe this is true with others' perceptions of us, too.

Imagine if the moon was never full because it was embarrassed about the speculation that it causes emergency room & classroom madness.

If the moon overanalyzed the conversations about how its fullness interfered with sleep, impacted the weather or shifted the tides, it would neglect those who marvel in its beauty, harness its power, and find healing and clarity in the apex of its cycle.

Even when we decide to show our complete selves, what other people see may not capture the fullness of our beauty.

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Though you may have to spin your Lazy Susan Self at times, recognize that these aspects of yourself are phases of a cycle, and allow yourself to show up fully once in while.In his September 17th entry, Nepo concluded:

"I have learned, painfully and thoroughly, that each of us is an entire symphony, and though there are times when all of us will not be heard, dis-ease begins the moment all of us is not played."